Teaching crows to annoy red hats.

A man on the internet has officially started the first biological war of 2026 by training an army of wild crows to attack anyone wearing a red hat.

The user, known as “Biz Dave,” went viral this week for documenting his step-by-step process of weaponizing neighborhood birds against political slogans.

Using a method called “Pavlovian conditioning,” he started by placing peanuts and high-value treats under red plastic containers in his backyard.

The crows quickly learned that “Red Object = Delicious Snack.”

Once they mastered flipping the containers, he swapped them out for red baseball caps.

Now, whenever these crows see a red hat, they don’t see a political statement, they see a loot box that needs to be opened.

Dave posted videos of the birds swooping down and snatching hats off customized dummies in under two minutes.

While some people think it’s hilarious, wildlife experts are actually terrified.

They warned that because crows are social learners, these trained birds could teach their offspring to target red hats, meaning we might be one generation away from a world where you can’t wear a Cincinnati Reds cap without getting dive-bombed by the air force.